Explosive Clearasil

01/26/2010
Day 324 of 365: I don't fly often. I didn't fly much before 9/11, and post 9/11 I didn't fly for about 3 years, largely due to school. After graduating in 2004, I started to travel more, and therefore began experiencing the hightened levels of security that had been implemented in the US and abroad. As a result, I've had some interesting encounters which lead me to ask, "What's the strangest thing you've ever been delayed by airport security for?".

It only takes one dummy to cause the FAA to add new rules and regulations to airport security checks that will affect and inconvenience domestic and international travelers forever. There's a whole list of these guys who can't play nice with others. Remember the shoe bomb guy? He's on the dummy list. Now I have to take off my shoes at the airport. Was there a guy who tried to smuggle a bomb on an airline with his laptop? Probably. I'm not sure if it's wise to Google "bomb" and "airport" together, so I'll just stick to hypothesizing.

I have to give it up, there are some creative people out there. I mean, did a guy really make a bomb out of the foil from an Eclipse gum package? Must have, because I've been searched for that. Or, has anyone ever endangered passengers on an airplane with a plastic letter opener shaped like a samurai sword? Those were actually confiscated from my carry-on bag on my way back from Japan, but I can sort of understand. I didn't check any luggage on that trip, so I was screwed. And then there's the Ranch Style Beans that I brought back to Korea from Texas. RANCH STYLE BEANS!! I can just imagine a conversation on the airplane going something like this:

Passenger A: "Do you smell something cooking?"
Passenger B: "Yeah, it smells delicious. Asiana has definitely upgraded their in-flight menu."

And then a guy with boots and a cowboy hat jumps out of his chair with 6 cans of beans strapped to his chest, threatening to crash the plane unless they serve him some brisket and potato salad.

Fortunately for me, the women who searched my bag was reasonable and let them pass, but she actually warned me that most people would have confiscated them. I don't doubt it.
LAX Airport Security: "Hey guys! Lunch is on the stupid Texan!".

Now that I think about it, the one time I actually had something dangerous, an Exacto Knife, which is a razor sharp art knife, security missed it and let me pass. It wasn't until I was sitting in a coffee shop inside the airport that I reached into my bag for a pen and found it there. I was scared to death that it had gotten through and went to turn it in. However, in hindsight my word choice wasn't the best.

Me: "Uh, excuse me?"
Airport Security A: "Yes. How can I help you?"
Me: "I think I have something dangerous in my bag."
Airport Security A: "...What do you mean...dangerous...?"
Airport Security B: (Reaches for his gun).
Me: (Oh crap that was stupid. Panic!)

At that point I said it was an art knife. They told me to give them the bag...slowly. It was unnecessarily tense for a long 15 seconds. Needless to say, they kept the knife. I like to think that on that day I contributed to LAX's security quality control.

Lastly, there's the infamous Clearasil incident. Having been pulled aside for having a tube of face soap that was twice the amount allowed, I was more than happy to let them keep it if it meant I could be on my way. "It's only $7, ma'am." I said. "No big deal.". Out of the kindness of her heart, she told me that she would run a quick chemical check, and if it passed, I could keep it. "Cool!" I thought. (That stuff is kind of expensive). So she swabbed the rim with a Q-tip and then scanned it on a machine. After a few seconds she said, "Uh, oh.". "What's uh,oh?" I asked. She replied:

EXPLOSIVES DETECTED

"#@&% $#@$ *&^%#!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!" was my response. Honestly though, I was halfway laughing because of how ridiculous the situation was. So I asked, "What happens now?". In that instant, a large black man appeared out of nowhere and said, "Now I'm gonna have ta search ya.", at the same time snapping on his latex surgical gloves. Ok. No problem. I've got nothing to hide.

Large Man: "Have you done this before?"
Small Me: "I...'m not sure...?"
Large Man: "First thing I'm gonna do is take my finger..."
Smaller Me: (Oh God, no. ) ...(and looking for somewhere to run)
Large Man: "...and trace it along the inside waist of your jeans."
Me: "Ok. Noooo problem." (relieved)
Large Man: "Then I'm going to take my finger..."
Me: (No! No more fingers!) ...(and avoiding eye contact at this point)
Large Man: "...and I'm going to trace the inside of your collar."
Me: "Sigh". (This will make for an interesting blog post).

After that it was a series of "non-invasive" patdowns and I was free to go. Obviously they kept the soap. I asked if this sort of thing happens a lot, but they dodged the question. Then I asked if I could take a picture of the "Explosives Detected" readout to show my friends, and he gave a definitive, "No.".

Fair enough.

The Austin Bucket List

01/17/2010
Day 315 of 365: The most common thing people asked me when they found out I went back to Austin for the break was, "What did you do while you were there?". So, for those people, and for the pure enjoyment of recounting my adventure home, I prestent: The List. It includes every restaurant I wanted to eat at, every errand I needed run, and every item I wanted to buy while I was home, taking into account that I might not be back for another year, (Key: O = Yes, X = Ran out of time)

Restaurants:

Catfish Parlour - O
Taco Cabana - O
IHOP - O
Dan's Hamburgers - X
Thundercloud Subs - O
Chili's - X
Rudy's BBQ - X
Katz's - O (Ate there on Dec. 30th; closed for good on January 2nd. RIP Katz's Reuben)
Fuddrucker's - O
La Fuentes Mexican Resaurant - O
Chuey's - X (Fail)
Yogurtland - O
Gordough's Donuts - O
Long John Silver's - X (probably better for my health that I missed this one)
Schlotzsky's - O
Random Korean Restaurant in Austin - O
Conan's Pizza - O

Not on the original List but made the cut: Maudie's Tex Mex, Kerbey Lane Cafe (Kerbey Lane and William Cannon locations), Torchy's Tacos, River City Donuts

Errands/Stores:

Best Buy - O (twice)
Walmart - O (3 times)
Bank - O
Champ's - O
Howdy Honda - O
Barton Creek Mall - O
Finish Line - O
Express - O
American Eagle - O
Papa John's - O (my old job)
Costco - O
The High Ball - O
Post Office - O
Day After Xmas Shopping - O!
Tron Legacy - X (fail)

Not on the List but made the cut: The Fighter, Pitch n' Putt, True Grit (but I fell asleep), Monday Night Football (but I fell asleep), Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (but I fell asleep)...jet lag got me on a few of these.

Shopping - (E = Expensive in South Korea, i = Impossible to find)

Socks and Underwear - O (not expensive or impossible to find, just my American preference)
Polo Shirts (E) - X
100% Whey Protein (i) - O
Deodorant (i)- O
US Power Strip (i) - O
Dress Shoes (black) - X
Running Shoes - X
Brown Shoes - X
Football Cleats (i) - O! (It's nearly impossible to find a size 12 of any shoe except in Seoul)
Face Soap -O (funny story about that...)
Dill Pickles (i) -O (screw Korean sweet pickles)
Nyquil (i) - O
Clif Bars (i) - O
Maple Syrup (E) - O
Vitamins (E) - X
Peanut Butter (E) - X
Under Armour Receiver Gloves (i) - O
Backpack (E) - O
Garbage Bags (i?) - X

Not on the list but made the cut: Ranch Dressing (i), a ton of American chocolate (E) for the kids (as I shove this Reese's Peanut Butter Cup into my mouth), Ranch Style Beans (i), Wolf Brand Chilli (i), Lipton's Onion Soup Mix (i), Captain Crunch (i), Fruity Pebbles (i), Bean Dip (i), Giant Marshmallows (i), Pop Tarts (i).

So, subtracting the X's from the total number of items on my Austin Bucket List, my completion percentage would be at 74.51%. However, if I added the addtional 20 items that made the cut, I would be brought up to 81.7%, which is a solid B-, just like in college. Ugh, that shoe shopping killed my average.

So that's my list. What's yours? I'm interested in hearing what some of you Austinites would do if you only had 8 days out of the year to spend in the ATX.

Next blog: Explosive Clearasil.

My Hometown

01/09/2011
Day 307 of ???: After being away for nearly 10 months, I found my way back home for a week that may have been worth another year in South Korea.

I hopped on a plane from Seoul to Austin at 8pm on December 22nd, just 4 hours after the semester's last day of school had ended. I flew back to South Korea at 6pm on New Year's Eve, arriving in Seoul just 24 hours before I had to be back at school again. I averaged 4 hours of sleep per night while I was home and I didn't eat at the same place twice. In short, I acted like I wasn't coming back for a while. It turns out I won't be. I'm staying to teach for a second year in South Korea. I made the final decision this week, but it's something that'd been on my mind for a while.

The idea of going home for vacation was a little strange to me, but to be honest, it may have been the best vacation I've ever had. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to eat and who I wanted to see. I brought 3 suitcases of Korean gifts home with me, and I took 170 lbs. of American goodness back to Korea. The fact that everything made it both ways intact is a small miracle. I was pretty efficient in my game of luggage Tetris too, especially in packing for the trip back to SK. After being away for so long, I was surprised at just how normal it felt to see my family and friends once again. They're people that you always expect to be there, so sometimes you forget how special they are. Only having 8 days to be with them, all the normal things we did together had much more meaning to me. Eating at Kerbey Lane with Isaac and the boys, hitting Plucker's with Jason and Robert, making a run to Barton Creek Mall with Philip and JC, doing Gordough's with Gilbert, and going to Westgate to see True Grit with the folks were all priceless, even if I was too jet lagged at times to express it. I even enjoyed the ordinary parts, like driving on Mopac, making Walmart runs and going to Howdy Honda to get the oil changed on my Civic. It was the same old Austin, just like I hoped it would be.

So the question now may be, "If Austin is so good, why not come back in March?". I think the simple answer is that I just don't feel like I'm done with Korea yet, or the other way around, or both. In many ways I've just begun to hit my stride here, and I think leaving in March would be too soon. It's like I've just hit 5th gear but now all of a sudden I have to exit the highway. I want to see where another year will take me. On one hand, that non-committal side of me dreads signing another 1 year contract, but on the other hand, that's what kept me in the grinder to persevere when things got tough during the first year. I made it through and I think I'm better for it. Having just seen everyone I care about so recently, they are very present in my thoughts and I miss them dearly, but at the same time I am excited to have this opportunity in SK continued.

Lastly, my deepest thanks to my family and those who care about me for your thoughts and prayers throughout this year. I'd be a fool to think that I got by solely on my own natural strength. If it wasn't for those prayers...and this magical think called the internet that allows me to stay in contact with many of you, I probably wouldn't have the guts to go on this adventure. I look forward to seeing what this next year has in store, as well as sharing it with whoever is reading this out there.

First blog of the new year done.